Tuesday, March 1, 2011

A bit of honesty

It has been a long time since I've posted and I wish I could claim it was because I'm just SO busy.
[it's not]

Honestly, I don't write because I don't know what to say.  Ok, that wasn't honest...I'm too careful.  I think too much about what people will think of me and so I don't write.

But in attempt to really tackle one of my new year resolutions, I am going to just write and not think....
Here it goes...
  1. My brother leaves for his mission in Columbia in 23 days.  He is one of my best friends and I am denial that it is all actually happening.  I keep hoping that if I don't think about it, I won't have to deal with how sad I am.
  2. I have a serious obsession with sonic ice.  I go through about a bag every two weeks.  I cannot tell you how much I {LOVE} a glass with TONS of sonic ice and a Pepsi. yummmmmmm
  3. My mom is amazing and has been making all the bedding and curtains for the baby's room and it is almost finished.  I can't wait to show pictures.  But we still have to paint and add a few more details.
  4. I am so grateful for opportunities that remind me how easily life can change.  It makes me hold on to what I love harder and savor the wonderful moments.
  5. As of today,  I have 48 days left until my due date!  At times it is happening so fast and at others I feel like this baby is taking [forever] to get here. 
  6. I'm scared to have this baby.  First to literally HAVE the baby but secondly, to bring it into our life.  I know things will change but I'm afraid of just how and what will change.  
  7. Krispy Kreme doughnuts sound really really good right now...
  8. I miss school.  I miss studying, having deadlines, and needing a planner to chart all the reading I need to do and worksheets I have to fill out.
  9. I really love my bed.  I love lying in it for a while after I wake up.  Sometimes during the day I crave crawling under my fluffy comforter and just lying there in sweet bliss.
  10. I really really need to organize my house more.  It is pretty sad how unorganized a lot of it is...so sad.
  11. I have been on a reading kick lately.  Anyone have any good book suggestions?  [preferrably a good nonfiction.  I don't really like books like the Twilight series and The Hunger Games made me sick to my stomach and I couldn't stop crying so I stopped after the first few chapters]
  12. I am proud to announce that I am NOT going to breast feed.  So please, go ahead and judge me :)  Wow, that felt really good to admit.  I know that a lot of you are shaking your heads and thinking how bad it is that I've decided not to do this BUT I've been trying to be more honest with myself.  In doing so, I made the decision not to breastfeed and that was that.
  13. I need to document my ever expanding belly.  Hopefully some pictures will get taken soon. Hopefully.
  14. Figuring out who you are is hard.
  15. I need to find some girl scouts so I can buy more thin mints.  This is a MUST.
 Thank you for letting me be honest.  Thank you for letting me be me.


  1. You are so sweet, I'm happy you did decide to post :] And I have the most wonderful book! Do you like biographies? It's called Glimpses Into The Life and Heart of Marjorie Pay Hinkley. If you haven't read it yet, you will love it. She is so inspiring!

  2. Hi McKenzie,

    No judgement from me at all. ONLY pure curiosity:
    why not breast feed?

  3. Perfect post :) I feel the same way about posting, I'm always afraid of what people will think of me! Truth is - it doesn't matter. It's you and that's not ever going to change, so you might as well share your individuality with others! I'm so excited for you and YES post some pics of your cute belly!

  4. Love the honesty and randomness, always a great combination for an interesting post :) --but most interested in this sonic ice???!!! Does Sonic sell bags of their little crushed/pellet type ice?? I understand about you missing school--which is why going back and torturing myself for 4 more years must sound like fun. Lastly, if I get to move back to chandler--I am dying to go to the container store and stock up on all kinds of organizing gadgets--maybe we can go together :)

  5. Hey ladies! I think this is the best way to reply to your questions and comments. In my opinion, blogger needs to learn a few things from facebook so I can better reply to comments :) Anywhoo...

    Tatum -- I love biographies and Sis. Hinkley always makes me laugh so I will have to look that one up :)

    Nicky -- I am 100% ok with you asking that! There were a few reasons... 1) Becoming a mom for the first time is going to be so overwhelming. I'm not sure how much I can handle and I figured this wouldn't be the last kid so I can always try it later :) 2) David really wanted to be a part of the feeding and I am more than happy to have his help and 3) the nail in the coffin was a medication my doctor recommended I take. I could have turned it down but after weighing the options it seemed like it was best. A lot of the reasons are a bit selfish but I think at some point I need to still take care of myself AND the baby :D

    Amber -- HECK YES sonic sells BIG bags of their ice. It costs like $1.50 for a bag and it is the most well spent $1.50 in this whole pregnancy. I'm so proud of you for going back! I hope to be following right behind you...eventually. Oh my gosh I love the container store! The second you are back we will go and get at least one room put together!

  6. M--

    Thanks for answering. Good for you for doing what you want. That's agency and that's being a woman and mother. LOVE, Nikki

  7. Best blog ever...and I'm not biased. Not one little bit. (Okay-maybe a little!) Love you!

  8. You just write your little heart out. I will never judge you. and I love hearing about another person's life who is normal :)

    For some reason when you're pregnant you think there's like this "deadline." I remember telling Jason we couldn't buy food that would spoil (when I was getting close to the end) and he was like "Caley we're not going on vacation- you're having a baby." hahaha but my mentality was that it was like this huge thing that would completely alter everything. I don't really know what I'm trying to say. haha

    And it is life altering... But you'll realize you didn't have to finish the nursery/organize the house or any of that- so don't stress too much :)

    And breast feeding isn't for everyone. There are a lot of benefits, but it's really hard and sometimes it's just better for mom's mental health (and thus baby's health) to just do formula.

    I'm so excited for you !!!