Start & Stop

warning:  this post is full of complaints and negativity

In the 3 weeks I have been to OB triage (in layman's terms the entrance gates to labor and delivery at the hospital) a total of 4 times.  FOUR TIMES!

#1: I am 34 weeks and I start having contractions every 3 minutes so we rush to the hospital.  It is way too early to have this baby so they give me 2 shots and stop the contractions and put me on bed rest.  I'm 2 cm dilated and 70% effaced(for those of you who are not familiar, you need to get to 10cm and be 100% effaced to have the baby)


#2:  I am 35 weeks and have consistent contractions AGAIN (despite the bed rest).   I go to the hospital they give me another shot to stop contractions and they send me home.  I'm still 2cm & 70% effaced.

#3: I'm just BARELY 36 weeks and I start to painful (the key to labor) contractions every 3 minutes apart.  After 3 hours of contractions at home we figured that this must be the real deal and we head to the hospital.  They check me and I am now 3cm dilated and 80% effaced.  They sent me home.  You have to be at least 4cm dilated and having active contractions to get admitted to the hospital.

#4:  Last night, I start having painful contractions every 2 minutes.  David and I walk around the neighborhood for an hour and a half and then try to catch some shut eye.  I refused to go to the hospital until I was in a lot of pain.  I woke up at 2:30am and told David we better head to the hospital because I am in a lot of pain.  This had to be it.  We show up to the hospital and tell me that I am 4cm dilated.  WOO HOO the golden number!!!  Wrong.  They have me walk around the hospital for an hour to see if I progress further.  I don't.  They give me pain medication and send me home.  SERIOUSLY!?!


So here I am, on my couch and 4 cm dilated.  But, like always, my contractions have stopped and I am at a stand still.  I am a ticking time bomb and I am sick of going to the hospital without coming home with a sweet baby girl.  I have followed all the doctors rules and signs.  I have every sign of labor you can imagine, my body just can't keep the ball rolling.   This whole labor process has been nothing like what anyone has told me.  It is going to take a whirlwind to get me to go to the hospital next time.


I'm not a happy camper.

It's really happening...

we are going to have this baby.

It has all become so real.  This baby is fast approaching and I have a lot left to do!  Here is my crazy list:

-- Get car washed & oil changed
-- paint nursery
-- pack hospital bag
-- decorate nursery
-- organize baby clothes
-- organize nursery
-- put away baby items
-- clean house
-- organize master bedroom

-- put shelves in front room closet
-- organize & clean up garage
-- return baby items
-- purchase baby items
-- take & edit pregnancy photos
-- get a pedicure
-- make burp cloths
-- make onesies
-- buy formula & diapers
-- wash baby clothes & gear

And I am sure the list will get longer.

It all started with last night....  David and I attended our first birthing classes, came home, and went to bed.  Just as we were starting to sleep I felt it.  Contractions.  I decided to ignore them because well, I wasn't ready to face it.  David finally forced me to face reality [ 5 contractions later ].  We went to the hospital and sure enough I was 2 centimeters dilated and having contractions every 3 minutes.  Thanks so some modern medicine, the contractions were over, and by 3 am we were back home going to bed.

In the end, the experience made me realize that this little girl is on her way and she isn't going to follow my time line.   I need to hurry and get things done...first I have to get the okay to move from the couch!

I need to be reminded of this....every day.

A bit of honesty

It has been a long time since I've posted and I wish I could claim it was because I'm just SO busy.

[it's not]

Honestly, I don't write because I don't know what to say.  Ok, that wasn't honest...I'm too careful.  I think too much about what people will think of me and so I don't write.

But in attempt to really tackle one of my new year resolutions, I am going to just write and not think....

Here it goes...

1. My brother leaves for his mission in Columbia in 23 days.  He is one of my best friends and I am denial that it is all actually happening.  I keep hoping that if I don't think about it, I won't have to deal with how sad I am.
2. I have a serious obsession with sonic ice.  I go through about a bag every two weeks.  I cannot tell you how much I {LOVE} a glass with TONS of sonic ice and a Pepsi. yummmmmmm
3. My mom is amazing and has been making all the bedding and curtains for the baby's room and it is almost finished.  I can't wait to show pictures.  But we still have to paint and add a few more details.
4. I am so grateful for opportunities that remind me how easily life can change.  It makes me hold on to what I love harder and savor the wonderful moments.
5. As of today,  I have 48 days left until my due date!  At times it is happening so fast and at others I feel like this baby is taking [forever] to get here. 
6. I'm scared to have this baby.  First to literally HAVE the baby but secondly, to bring it into our life.  I know things will change but I'm afraid of just how and what will change.  
7. Krispy Kreme doughnuts sound really really good right now...
8. I miss school.  I miss studying, having deadlines, and needing a planner to chart all the reading I need to do and worksheets I have to fill out.
9. I really love my bed.  I love lying in it for a while after I wake up.  Sometimes during the day I crave crawling under my fluffy comforter and just lying there in sweet bliss.
10. I really really need to organize my house more.  It is pretty sad how unorganized a lot of it is...so sad.
11. I have been on a reading kick lately.  Anyone have any good book suggestions?  [preferrably a good nonfiction.  I don't really like books like the Twilight series and The Hunger Games made me sick to my stomach and I couldn't stop crying so I stopped after the first few chapters]
12. I am proud to announce that I am NOT going to breast feed.  So please, go ahead and judge me :)  Wow, that felt really good to admit.  I know that a lot of you are shaking your heads and thinking how bad it is that I've decided not to do this BUT I've been trying to be more honest with myself.  In doing so, I made the decision not to breastfeed and that was that.
13. I need to document my ever expanding belly.  Hopefully some pictures will get taken soon. Hopefully.
14. Figuring out who you are is hard.
15. I need to find some girl scouts so I can buy more thin mints.  This is a MUST.

 Thank you for letting me be honest.  Thank you for letting me be me.